Friday, December 21, 2012

I have raped .............

This is a random post probably no forethought or excercise was required by me to write this. I just didn't know how to put this in front. Too much has been going on around us Rape rape rape. My ears are bleeding , my eyes are sore and my heart still pounding.

I feel like a rapist today
I have raped my own soul when i don't have the courage to stand against the wrong
When I hear people sigh at the birth of a daughter. I see a rape happening of a mother's desire of nuturing her loved one, of her happiness , of all her dreams she build little by little around that womb. Not knowing a single change of a body part would wreak havoc on her angel.

I have raped my Creator's creation when i cannot be a part of his nature and i build a castle for my greed.
When I do what i have done to my Mother Earth. Plundering its beauty bit by bit , dumping our never ending toxic material in her womb. Robbing her off her minerals because I am greedy greedy for comfort, for fun what less is this act of mine than not a sensual pleasure. It was need to be safe and to keep safe. But i am quiet watching it turn into a graveyard.

I have raped people's confidence. When i had been non appreciative to somebody, killed that tiny expectation that waited all day for a kind word. I killed and violated that hope because i did not feel it was important.

I have raped many faith. When i lied to people who trusted me or even those who never trusted me. I have devoured the tiny mankind i had in myself because i was saving myself from wrong situation.

I have raped my own love and compassion. When i decided not to ever love or trust anyone because i was betrayed by someone. Because i was being protective about myself i felt stopping who I really am at best.

I have raped my peace. When i felt past and future mean more to me than my present.

I have raped my own body. When i performed a 100 changes i wanted in , it in my mind to be what i felt was "perfect ME". Fairness advertisements, physique changing promises , prettiness certificates, beautiful praises was I really not trying to be better than someone else was I really trying to be me.

I have raped my duties. When i was accounting the world for my rights. I failed to do my duties, my duty to be present with a needy, to let go off my wish for someone, to be holding each one equally, to give more than get. Arranging everything to be perfect outside ignoring my chaos inside.

I have raped my history. When I am trying to create a future without its foundation. When i ignored the old for the youth. I forgot the lessons for the excietment.

I have raped my own voice when i am not able to speak my mind on all things
When I see sexually explicitly content making their way on our everyday newspapers , webpages , advertisements, when i see people who speak about individual freedom exploit it inside every individual mind because they are a part of society that wants to earn money.

I have raped many and much more. I don't feel like a victim anymore. Nor am I very worried about my physical safety. I know i am safe and my God keeps me safe every second. I am more worried about my other aspect. I am worried about being a rapist. Worried about plundering the most precious things in my life and yet being unaware of it.

This "I" could be you me or for that sake anybody. We are all rapists , all criminals. We do so much wrong all the time and so little , so little are even things we are aware of rest everything goes unnoticed by us. Just because there is no law to catch us red handedly , no one to watch us , do we have the right to plunder which is not rightfully ours. All we care about is I, me and myself. Every tiniest desire we create has more to do with our happiness than anyone else's. We all are such hypocrities , we talk such humane when a news pops up but we ignore what we do every day. With every one , with every tiny emotion , with ourselves turning our face away from who we are truly originally , turing ourselves every second into somebody the world wants us to be.
Does a rape happen to a girl alone?? Physically alone ?? I feel ashamed we think that way. We are not changing as people. We are not being human with human.
I don't know if i have the right to talk about rape. What is rape anyway ??? is it only to force someone to have sex ? or is it to destroy someone of its possession ?

P.S - Please pardon me for my grammatical mistakes or contextual mistakes. And if it has hurt you it was meant to hurt so that you can peek inside your own mind like I am inside mine. Trying to answer my question what I have raped from myself ??

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Obsessive Parenting

A few days ago I saw some parents in Norway being held for mishandling their children because the child had peed in his pants, some days ago I read an article where few youngsters killed 3 members of a family to steal money and later the teenager confessed being partner in crime himself to make things equal with his kin and then I read another newspapers article of horror killing by a brother who cut his sisters throat for marrying her love. All different incidences, in different places, different religions and most importantly different socio-economic conditions. I do not know how many of us read so many stories everyday in the papers and then steal away our faces from them linking these stories to various reasons economical, material, cultural, regional etc and believe they will never come face to face with us. How blind we are? I wonder.
When we read stories like these I feel an instant urge of connecting them all together by our basic unit in society “Family” and most importantly a trait that all these stories had “Obsessive Parenting.”  You may ask me how and why do I connect them this way but I have a reason to do so.

Parenting is a natural instinct of any life form. In nature it is brought into an animal as basic instinct which transfers through genes and inspires every animal to be the perfect parent without any external help. The role of parent begins from the day the child is conceived in the womb of the mother. The feeding, needing, resting and loving of the child can be seen easily in the body language of animals.
However nature also has different ways of parenting:
If I begin from the smallest life sources of bacteria which split in the process of creating the next one and next level of insects or few other egg laying animals. They let the young one discover their world all by themselves all alone scientifically correct  because being simple life forms their functions in their bodies are extremely limited and do not specifically need any training from their parents. Their large numbers is the guarantee of survival of their race.
The next one is some other egg laying animals like birds, some reptiles and mostly mammals. Each of them is a complex life form and thus each of them shares small or big special role as a parent in helping the little one adapt with the new world. And then after sometime lets the child find a new horizon.
The next level is us. Human beings, probably the most complex life form available on earth. Thanks to our brain development we share the most unique relationship with our children. Not only does a human parent help the child adapt to the new world but also become the provider of every need, protector at every danger and guide to every action. This is indeed the most wonderful of all relationships on earth. Until came the time when we got obsessed with our children.
The reason behind all these 3 incidents was the extreme urge of the parents to make their child perfect. Perfect according to what they believe was right. The first incident of Norway the parents wanted their specially gifted child to adapt to the ways as a normal child – all good in their intention but that desire went to outdo the child’s capacity to change his present abilities. The next incident the teenager was compared to the extremes with his kin – again all good in the intention of the parent to improve the child, but that criticism, comparison and constant rejection was killing the teenager from within. Then a little attention and acceptance from his “so called” friends pulled him into the circle of crime. The next was still more extreme I still keep wondering how obsessed the brother was that he could cut the throat of his sister in full public , so convinced he was that it is good to cut her throat than let her be married to someone outside her caste. Such deep convinced notion to make our children “be accepted” by society, by family and even by our caste/religion.
Why are we trying to make our children so perfect? Why do we want to design every move they make? Why are we trying to prove they are wrong in what they do? Why at all we are being Gods in their lives?
The deeper answer lies in our idea of “My” or “Our” Child. From the day the child is conceived in the womb of the mother. Parents get struck with the idea of bringing up the best child as perfect as their capacity and vision would permit. “My” child has to better than xyz , “Our” child would follow some abc code of conduct they would be appreciated by the society in any other case they would be shunned and God forbid if your child is not normal by your standards you’d bend hand and legs to put things to normal.
The attachment to the thought of “My” or “Our” child is so in-grilled that every tiny sway from your perfect standards is an attack on your face, your image. Outside nature human parenting has forgotten that every young one no matter how deeply attached to us is a separate individual, a separate thinking mind and life learns to find best way for itself. No matter how na├»ve or immature their action is, by their standards they try their best. The role of the parent is to guide and bend the actions towards best with protection and love not by force, comparison, criticism and definitely not by anger and punishments.
 As the human civilization has grown the idea of individual freedom has deeply taken place in our democracies and most evolved laws in world have been made to protect them. No freedom in world is complete if there’s no sense of respect. In similar way a parent child relationship is also deeply rooted to understanding the individuality of the child, freedom to the child to grow up with his best qualities and giving the child his due “Respect”. Respect comes when we learn to accept the present individual as he is and then try to work around it. When we separate our image of being a “Perfect Parent” with the image of the tender child. We would then be able to see the deeper needs of the child.
Today is the time when parents struggle in parenting. When counselors are needed to bridge the gap between the parent and the child. When hundreds of books are being written on parenting and perfection in it and yet we see generations drifting away from each other. Why? Today parents have learnt to “let us talk about it” method but they sit with a mind convinced whatever child does is wrong. How can such a talk be fruitful??? The child returns the mind what the parent is doing is wrong. This is not just a teenage problem it impacts how we have grown up as individuals and therefore affects society and country as whole. We tag everybody as wrong or right and complex childhood is the prime reason of our complex adulthood problems.
 Something drastically went wrong in our ways of handling children in our parenting. Today if a parent comes to know about his teenager drinking, smoking or bunking school havoc is created in the home, the fear inside the parent of being a bad/non competent parent works before the feeling of handling the need inside the child. The cigarette or drinking or bunking school can be wrong but your young one wanting do that is not wrong, it is alarming to see what need has been missed ? Why the strength of the child fell pray towards such acts. Why could he not say no? But instead possessiveness drives us to think “I have failed as parent”. Once I drown how I can then pick up my child.
Some can argue nature’s way is not the best way. You can just not let go of your child especially in such a competitive environment but sit back for a second and think is it really possible for parents to hold hands of their children at every move? Can we really bend ways and make child perfect? Even if we do that will your child always be happy who gives this guarantee? No one, yes no one gives guarantee of happiness and even the most probable paths of happiness cannot guarantee it. But freedom will, a free mind is always a happy mind.
A child is like a plant you put a little support, some attention and care it will grow and find out its way. Develop physical, emotional, social and spiritual world of child not with force but with logic. Trust the capacity and instinct of the child help him make his decisions. Individual freedom blooms like flower, received respect always returns respect.
Perfection is good with objects not with living beings. Change in a home can change the world.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Letter to the PM published on The Viewspaper

This article was posted in a campaign to write to Prime Minister of India by The Viewspaper A voice of youth paper. I posted my blogpost of "How to bring truth in our lives" and that got posted there. So sharing the piece over here.

http://theviewspaper.net/shreya-mukherjee-writes-a-letter-to-the-prime-minister/

you can read many more letters to PM here:

http://theviewspaper.net/

Have a great day everyone.
Adios

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Fashion Contest post - for ShoppersStop

This is not really a part of my regular blogging but just for fun sake i decided to participate in this contest. So here was I challenged to create a look for myself for the festive season and shoppersstop had ample choice to my taste. :)

Here goes a sneek peak:
Like it?  Vote Here

1st look: Casual look to an evening Festive party or dinner

 




 













So you can see my collection i chose for the 1st look. I loved the skirt in the 1st look :D and couldn't resist create a look around that so my center of focus was my skirt. Since i am not a person with too much bling stuff i prefer to keep my looks striking yet balanced. So i chose a simple Black Skirt with mirror work at bottom and teamed it up with a Fancy Top with halter neck, it has some lace work not too glaring infact the best part was i got a perfectly matching Sandal with it.
So i ended up matching Top with sandal and Yellow earings (halter neck needs no neck piece). And to match with my black skirt i got a Bracelet and a Black Shrug :-) i can't go out just with the halter neck piece in this cold weather, yap for a warm weather I can choose to remove the shrug.
Last i needed this dash of Coral so i teamed my clutch and my lipstick Maybelline and my messy bun hair do would complete my look.

Here's the links

Remanika Ladies Halter Neck Top

http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Apparel-T-Shirts--Tops-Remanika-Ladies-Halter-Neck-Top-262-316042-5286142.html


Life Ladies Shrug
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Apparel-Shrugs-And-Jackets-Life-Ladies-Shrug-262-315982-8293162.html#

Haute Curry Mix and Match Skirt
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Apparel-Skirts--Dresses-Haute-Curry-Mix-and-Match-Skirt-262-316082-9489842.html

LIFE – Sandals
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Shoes-All-LIFE---Sandals-262-334942-8117582.html#

Pretty Women Bracelet PW-BR-3766
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Jewellery-Fashion-Jewellery--Accessories-Bracelets-Pretty-Women-Bracelet-PW-BR-3766-262.html

AYESHA - Chandelier Dull Gold Earrings
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Jewellery-Fashion-Jewellery--Accessories-Earrings-AYESHA---Chandelier-Dull-Gold-Earrings-262.html

Haute Curry Clutch - ICORCL4
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Accessories-Wallets--Clutches-Haute-Curry-Clutch---ICORCL4-262.html

Maybelline lipstick
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Fragrances--Beauty-Cosmetics,-Skincare-and-Haircare-Cosmetics-and-Makeup-Lip-Maybelline-Color-Sensational-Moisture-Extreme-Lip-Color-Coral-Pink-262.html

  2nd look : for Wedding function or similar   I love sarees I just drool on them so how can I let go of a chance to wear saree. I chose saree and again Yellow :P. No not just because I like yellow but because the saree is chiffon light weight + there is patch work border attached and + the price perfect balance for a saree like this. I am a wise shopper you see :) lol So here it goes.    





  So i teamed up my saree with simple rules. Less decorated but classy look. The Saree already had patch work close to neck so there was no point wearing heavy neck piece i kept myself to chic yellow stone studded jewelery and in hand matching with Black print in saree a Black metal bangle 2-3 of such a piece on right hand would be just enough. Ofcourse then sandal matching with saree and Clutch matching with bangle in black and slightly blingly not too much. Messy bun again. :)   That's just my kind of look you can make many more of your style from Shoppers Stop.    


Kashish Printed Chiffon Saree
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Apparel-Sarees-Kashish-Printed-Chiffon-Saree-262-329042-7455422.html

AYESHA - A Gold Bling Affair
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Accessories-Fashion-Jewellery--Accessories-Earrings-AYESHA---A-Gold-Bling-Affair-262.html

Haute Curry Evening Clutch -I1176
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Accessories-Wallets--Clutches-Haute-Curry-Evening-Clutch--I1176-262-316262-6149042.html

Pretty Women Bangle PW-BA-3613
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Accessories-Fashion-Jewellery--Accessories-Bracelets-Pretty-Women-Bangle-PW-BA-3613-262.html

AYESHA - Dazzling Yellow Topaz Neckpiece
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Women-Womens-Accessories-Fashion-Jewellery--Accessories-Chains--Necklaces-AYESHA---Dazzling-Yellow-Topaz-Neckpiece-262.html

LIFE - Sandals
http://www.shoppersstop.com/cat-Shoes-Womens-Shoes-All-LIFE---Sandals-262-337382-8117562.html



My regular readers please don't be upset , I would come up with my blog kind of post soon. Hope you like this side of me. Check out my TAGGED and Who I am post if you wish to read more about me.

Adios
Take care


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Communication


When I was young, I used to keep wondering how cave men would have thought when they had absolutely no language to talk to themselves. One of the most important things that we keep doing all day long is talk with our own self inside our mind and it would fascinate me to think how helpless would someone feel if they cannot talk with themselves. I probably then thought cave men were as intelligent as we are today so they should have much to share inside themselves it was only later I realized they were closer to animals hunting and eating all day long. Nevertheless they still had many things around themselves to wonder about and failing to comprehend them was such a helpless feeling.

Man being a social animal has varied needs apart from the physical needs there are certain emotional needs and a lot of that depends on how man interacts with others. Contrary in nature every animal has mostly certain physical needs for which it uses understanding with another animal, which it expresses in the form of “Gestures”. Inside community example a fish changing it color to indicate its mate, outside community example monkeys shouting indicates a deer arrival of a lion etc. The primary essence of Gesture is to communicate a piece of information. And it is not necessarily limited to living beings Nature itself communicates various information before a certain event to safeguard life on earth example animals and birds are sensitive towards natural calamities and can pick up its information before it strikes down. A lot in nature depends on the perfect tuning between various life forms and over the time I have realized it necessarily does not need language, no words to explain to self it works on something else you can say that as an instinct? Or perhaps feelings? Or else how would you explain a soldier bee dying for the cause to save bee hive, when it stung a man and the needle bleeds out it dies without any recognition from anybody.


 
But man has evolved a little differently as I said he has more emotional needs to answer. Wonders around him and unsolved nature created his craving for knowledge. For which his 1st need became to communicate with his own self and it was not answerable on a feeling or instinct basis it needed words. So came our inside flight towards sounds and images. Certain sounds and images different from others which communicate to self and others certain facts. Images and sounds however flawed they were (which meant not very close to reality) became essential over the time as self explanatory words. Later words and then a whole language came into being. Crude and rustic it developed an essence of understanding within a singular community and it had now less to do with inter community exchange of information. This meant that over the time human race had grown over feelings and instincts and was mesmerized by the worlds of facts and knowledge. Thus tilting the balance of harmony towards one side.

This just doesn’t stop here. Over centuries man has developed languages over languages trying to express the truth of feeling in words, now in 21st century he has evolved the latest technologies which go beyond language to express and yet fall incomplete in terms of feelings and instincts. Today there are so many ways to communicate and yet there is so little we can communicate. We have so much information to share but so little on our feelings to share. We have evolved as highly intelligent beings we know what is good for us and nature yet we do what is worst for us and nature. We have generations staying together at one place yet we have what we call as “Generation Gap”. Today you have wonderful structure to communicate from lower to higher hierarchy working in companies yet no one works for the company. Today there are courses for personality, mannerism and value addition yet you would hardly find men or women of character and pride. Today you have counselors working for marriages and parenting yet we are struggling with these relations. Such an irony we live in.

Man could share for so long but he wasn’t exactly sure of what he is sharing. Truth can never be expressed it is the 1st rule of truth and false has no meaning being expressed because it is flawed. Truth has to be felt internally and thy can never be put to words alone. In fact my idea of a simplest thing (example religion) will have a different feeling for me and will create a completely different image and feeling for you. Thus truth being different for each of us and none being complete.

Animals know this, nature knows this and the trick is to keep feelings and instincts on a balance with words and wisdom. It does not matter how many languages you know, how hard or easy it s to talk in that, how wonderfully it is composed, how simple or complex it is. Language or for that matter anything that shares information will come under the umbrella of being a skill for humans as much a skill as cycling, driving , swimming . It does not help us create relations we don’t want to create from within. It will not help us mean what we have never felt. A smooth road (good skill) can help a driver to drive (communicate) smoothly but it is always a skilled driver who can reach his destination even when the road is bumpy. Communication between 2 living beings is often based on internal energy exchange that is made by us while knowing them and judging them these feelings need no words our body is intelligent enough to put that in front as it is, rustically known as “gestures”. It is the reason why sometimes you cannot understand relation between a pet and his master, it is the same reason why sometimes you see two different animals taking care of each other and it is the same reason why a mother can understand her child even before its birth. Thus we come back to the end of circle true feelings and emotions cannot be learnt. I still wonder about the cave men and the bees but here I need both words and instincts to explain to myself. I wish I could put more words but maybe I am skillfully hopeless and grammatically handicapped.



Adios

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Happy Diwali 2012 :)

Happy Diwali to all :) May you have a prosperous year ahead and love , happiness and peace surround you at all times. My regards to my elders and wishes to all my fellow readers.
Bring the essence of Diwali in your heart and it shall be enlightened always and forever in the light of Lord.

Some sharing at my home....



My home sweet home :)


my choti diwali rangoli and me clicking it :)


Rangoli at night :)

And that is Me on Diwali Day today :)

Have lots of fun and stay safe.
Take care
adios

Friday, November 9, 2012

Consciousness in a lucid way

Consciousness:

I know this topic is not for very light readers but I have faith in those who read my blog they will have the patience to read till the end to know what I am talking about.
Ever since I have become aware of the good inside me and am working on it. I got confused with this word, read “n” number of books , listen to wisdom filled people , ask questions or get answers one thing was common all spoke or said about something called “conciousness” like “lift your conciousness” or “free or conciousness” etc etc . Now as per my knowledge consciousness was to be aware of something even a dictionary would give you the same meaning i.e to be aware of something or someone example “I am conscious about him looking at me ” , how could you just lift that up or free it from something???  It took me many years to honestly simplify it thus sharing it with you.
Consciousness in a very regular perspective would mean nothing, but on the spiritual context would have multi fold meanings. Yes even there it would mean to be aware of something or someone but spiritually you’d understand it only when you get the answers to questions of “who someone?”.
To answer this we need a little introspection into our thinking or how we create thoughts.  



Please take a look at the above picture. Though it is self explanatory I would still elaborate it a bit.
The above diagram shows how a consciousness is created. And it is interesting to know that every second of the day we are all creating and growing in our consciousness because our mind from the time we were born has been only adding information and depositing them somewhere deep down so every second of the day we are only adding more to our consciousness. Simply view a library in which books of latest releases and prime importance/demand are kept in the front row while the one’s least used are always stored at the end or deep somewhere. Just that our mind is much sharper than any librarian if you really want to retrieve a file you can given the required time and self belief.
a)      Going by that we have a Consciousness at this very second (the next second we can have a different consciousness) which inspires us to look at a certain way at something. Step 1 NEW CONSCIOUSNESS that creates thoughts inside us.
b)      Next comes a sense of JUDGEMENT to know if the thought or idea or view created is right or wrong. Who decides right or wrong ? again the same consciousness based on past experiences , beliefs, knowledge etc.
c)       Thus comes the next part i.e decision is taken either ACCEPTED OR REJECTED by us.
d)      Once ACCEPTED as truth if will be brought into action sooner or later. Example- you created a thought XYZ is a liar – accepted as truth by your experience on something – stored in mind will be used as soon as you interact with XYZ later.
e)      If REJECTED as false. It becomes just another mundane information until and unless in some next moment you get some added information about the same thing to reverse your decision. Example – you hear gossip about somebody your mind rejects based on your experience until and unless some other time you get some added information and then you can say “oh I knew about it.”
f)       On the contrary if brought into action and repeated action it becomes your HABIT/BELIEF SYSTEM. Lets say once you get up late in the morning and justify that and then do it several times more, it becomes your habit. This creates an experience which interferes with experiences with others or simply involves others consciousness too.
g)      Once a new experience is added , it is simply that which we call as “DESTINY”. This Destiny becomes another added information to your EXTERNAL INFORMATION. Thus repeating the same loop after being absorbed by our senses again.
Now to prove this you can do an added experiment, which I have been successful with (like I said research is important).  In this you will have to intentionally inhibit a consciousness into yourself. After which I will ask you to just take a look at who so ever is around you (person) and quickly catch your 1st thought that arises about that person. In this experiment I’d like to prove that the consciousness that you intentionally feed into your mind has a direct relation to the thoughts that is created about different things. Which means you are more aware about the inhibited consciousness. So ready? Lets do it.
1.       For 5 minutes think about colours varied colors , deep and down try feel it. Remember every information you know about it and see them vividly in your mind try be absorbed in it. Then Relax again.
2.       Now slowly see any person around you.
3.       Remember the first information or thought that hits your mind and note that.
You can try the 5 minutes thinking about different things like religion hindu , muslim , sikh , christian etc or you can try think about good or bad virtues etc.

-----Read this after experiment----
The first thing has to be something related to what you deeply thought about in those 5 minutes. Like you thought about colors you would end up thinking red lips, black hair, blue dress etc just vaguely related to colors. The same goes for consciousness that adds with religions or good and bad virtues etc.
The idea is to show that such deep thoughts come on the floor of mind when you pay attention to them and they sit on your mind while you are interacting with other people. This eventually travels to other people and they presume you accordingly thus creating your destiny with those people.
In fact you can create personality even for non living things depending on your consciousness. Example cars , coins, mountains, rivers etc that is why you’d find some languages referring mountain as male, rivers as females and so on because at that time when those language were created their consciousness created a difference between man and woman thus their work showed its reflection. Interesting isn't it ?
So this answers our first question aware of "who someone"?? aware of our own thoughts or our mind. But how to be aware of something we cannot even see ? Not easy i agree so there is an alternate route. Since it is a loop we can always go a step back and see what else can be changed here it is the external information we feed it.
World wide web has greatly influenced our lives we cannot deny it but we all know that all information available in it is not useful, similarly everything we hear , see  or even feel might not be true so absorbing information and good information per say becomes vital. This is the only way to start breaking the chain that creates your Destiny. It definitely does not happen in a day but a gradual look at information from various sources would slowly give you a feeling of what is good and not so good for you. Every time you choose something as truth it is verified and brought into action. So choosing and filtering information lifts your consciousness.
Everything we are today this very scene that you are seeing and feeling is the result of deep rooted thoughts created in your consciousness. You choose what to feel the very next moment. Thus creating your Consciousness.
Finally your Consciousness is nothing more than what you choose to be. And that should always look up , up and up.
adios Friends :)
You can always comment and speak your mind.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

How to bring Truth in our lives

Today it is difficult to imagine a man who can become another Mahatma for India. His immaculate character and inner strength in unimaginable to be replicated in today’s life. Lost admist material gains and losses , urgency in achieveing success we know we cannot follow his Golden rule of Truth and Non violence. But I have a firm believe of seeing a new dawn in India. Last one and a half year seeing people of similar minds on roads to bring about a collective change in India has filled me with hope of bringing back Mahatma’s India. So this article of mine is a small but practical effort towards an honest India. I agree this is not the only way but just like a mother uses both love and punishment together to discipline her child none being completely wrong , this might just be a not so wrong way to bring change.

To bring Truth to the forefront we have to understand why people lie? In our everyday life we know “n” number of people lie to us. Sometimes we can catch them and sometimes we cannot even guess their lies. Why do we lie?The obvious answers are : I want an easy way out, afraid of punishment, scared of hurting people, scared of being judged wrongly . Liar can have good or bad motives but every liar will have a reason or justification for lieing.



Truth has 2 parts one the speaker and one listener (there can be multiple people involved but we’d keep it simple here). Two individuals involved in the scene can have different capacity to accept or reject truth. Which means they both will react differently to the same situation. Now here few situations can arise depending on them.

Like

A. If the speaker has less inner strength to speak but the listener is stronger internally to hear truth half of the job is done. People around us are afraid to speak simple truth’s where they are expressing their opinion because they are afraid of being punished or being judgemental. Here only the listener will have the choice to make the relationship better and stronger.

B. If the listener has less inner strength to accept truth and has a tendency to react at the slightest thing. Then only the truthest of all Speaker will be able to speak truth without making things difficult for himself.

C. If both the speaker and listener are weak neither can handle any change nor situation then they will always have a relationship of distrust and dis respect with each other.

D. If both the speaker and listener are strong inside then their relationship will always be strong and of mutual respect. As neither creates a fiasco nor is afraid to change the mistake.

Now we live at a time where option C always happens, D is a distant dream or may be rare. While option A and B is still feasible. We need to know where we fall in, I know as speaker we can rarely take the risk of speaking truth because till now we haven’t been able to gather the strength of facing every tricky situation. But B I feel as a listener I can show more patience and appreciation towards the person who is willing to speak the truth to me.

How?

a) We need to define truth in a new way. Once we understand that every one has a reason to do what they do no matter how selfish that justification is but still from their point of view , at that time, at that situation, in their capacity that reason is sufficient for them to make what you think is “mistake” or “unjust”. We have to accept that for that person Truth is what he speaks or believes.

b) After that you can show consideration by not reacting wildly but by responding. Sitting and having a plain dialogue will help the speaker to expand and explain the reason while slowly develop faith between you two.

c) Address the issue, not the character of the person. While I know you have pent anger and believe that the speaker will never change but by believeing so very strongly you decrease the little want if there is any inside the speaker to change by hurting and speaking of his character. This happens often between husband and wife as they bring in old unresolved issues and then they hammer the past more than resolving present. So focus on issue. You can always give opinion of change once the other person gains faith of you being patient with him.

d) Have faith. I say this especially keeping family relationships in mind. Most often we want our family members to do something in some way but doubt their capacity. Then slowly what you think shows in your action and eventually the motivation the speaker could have received from you depreciates thus they lie to you again. Note this kind of action with children is extremely detrimental . So have faith and REAL INNER FAITH. It will take time to achieve results but if you are patient enough you will soon see drastic changes even in a habitual liar.


In context of present society and country..... friends lie to friends scared of hurting them? Children lie to parents scared of being judged wrong ? employess lie to boss fear of being punished. With so much fear we can only bring laws to end corruption but we won’t be able end corrupt minds. We won’t be able to weave a social fabric or life and relationships built on faith and honesty. Honesty is not just a parameter for a corruption free country but it uplifts us from weak mindsets and we cannot do it unless we consider thecause of fear in the liar as justified.

I know the thing that pops onto mind is , how will the work get done without the fear of punishment. Tell me one thing if as a parent I punish and judge my child being wrong all the time how difficult it is for the child to lie to parents and do what he wants to. Is this how we want a honest country and dishonest families? What are we clinging on to? Social fabric of country is wroven when we accept people and their opinions even if we don’t find them as correct. Without this flexibilty superficially we will have an honest country but broken relationships.

A simple thing we all can do is accept truth when people speak it to us. Yes it might not be truth in our opinion it could be just jealously or useless criticism or even careless attitude for us but the one who is saying it is completely convinced about it. I know its difficult to speak truth (blame 100 reasons for that) but we can face truth. Lets bring facing truth in our homes, welcome it to our daily relationships. Let us be more stable and welcoming to truth spoken to us. Tell our family , friends and colleagues that they can tell you anything without fear of being judged, held wrong or being punished. Once they see you stable more welcoming to accept truth as it is and not forcing them to change always (No one likes to change ), they would eventually become stronger listeners too and then you’d be able to share their truth’s to them. Yes it takes time to weave such a relationship but is it not better to have one such honest Relation than a 100 dis honest relationships ?

Lets make it possible its only easy to be patient and understanding listeners of truth and we all can do it everyday with our very own same people. Nurture better relations by responding to truth than reacting to truth.

Adios

P.S – Lots more to say but I know my blog has a very intelligent audience :) they can expand what I write and can give me a 100 better ways to do it. So as always looking forward to what you guys have to say about this. Correct me if there is any mistake on my side.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Worry or not to worry?

“Worry is a type of mental habit, which arises from the belief that it's good to worry. This belief gets acquired during our childhood. And then it keeps getting strengthened from our life experiences. We start from this belief. That attracts negative circumstances; as a result the belief gets strengthened further, because you think that with life full of so many negative circumstances, it's important to think of negative outcomes beforehand. You don't realize that these negative situations occurred in the first place largely due to this belief. When we are faced with a negative situation, again we worry because we hold that belief. Again it's the same result. In this way, we are caught in a vicious cycle.




How do we come out of this cycle?

By changing this belief to - 'it's not good to worry'. Once we do that, there is no guarantee that negative situations will completely stop arising in our life, because we have performed negative actions in the past (either in this birth or past births), but the extent of negative situations will be minimized. And even if they do come, they will bid goodbye sooner, if we have a worry-free consciousness.”

With reference to my post 10'Sept12



To expand on the same we have to understand what Worry means. Worry ia a sense of anxiety or disturbance created by repeatedly creating a scene of a negative event/outcome even before the scene has happened and accepting it to be true ot almost to be the truth. Worry is not a set of logical thinking as almost always is presumed by people. Worry instills a great sense of depression even before there is any real cause of depression.

Worry is a sense of deep fear created due to imaginative loss of something. Now once this is understood it becomes imperative to understand why fear is so deeply instilled in our minds that worrying about a particular loss comes 1st in our minds than any other thought. This is because from our birth to this date we have trained our minds to function in a certain particular way called “thought-pattern” and thus in case of any emergency our minds 1st creates those thoughts according to our thought pattern and then the body reacts accordingly. You can simply understand this by the fact that some people can handle stressful situations way better than others, not because they had any extra means of resolving the situation but because they had a Mind – Set that gave them the vision to resolve it.

So well once the mind has adapted to a certain pattern of thoughts and it gets difficult to break them, we start losing hope creating feelings for eg. Im jinxed, always bad happens with me, loss is always my side, someone or other is always conspiring against me etc. This further pulls our mind away from solutions and attracts more problems and challenges in life. By the time we understand this we already mess up our lives too much and then comes situations like suicides. While large number of people believe that worrying is important especially at challenging situations or a worry less life is worthless or tasteless , the fact is that worry alone is responsible for for pulling you into the doomed circle od sadness. It attracts you to the pit of sadness with a gullible innocent face of giving you solution and turns into a witch by sucking out all your positive energy and hope of future.

After all this it becomes essential to understand how to overcome this whole cycle and yet be able to find right solutions at right time.

1. Before anything else change the word “worry” with “pro-active thinking”(or just thinking would also do fine). It means while in worry you thought about why this happened , what will I do now, why this happens with me always or trying to remember every past event where something similar has happened. You stop for a second and accept the fact that a certain situation has arrived , that is you understand and convince your mind that there definitely is something I have to and will find a solution to. (Caution--Please don’t fret how others would react the world can wait to form opinions , they will always do like it or hate it so avoid the world and it opinion angle in this else the whole effort would fail.)

2. Once the mind accepts this. Prioritize – what or who is most important where the damage control has to be done.

3. Gather information –all about solutions – don’t relate past experiences feelings rather think how or who had helped you if a similar thing had happened in the past. (Caution—we often create sad felings from past while trying to look for solution from past. In this whole scene not only do we lose precious time we also don’t learn anything from past. We simply watch it like a movie.)

4. Do it. Don’t fret about world , as you have already sorted our priority all by yourself any further thoughts would only take you away from happiness. So act don’t let the thinking go over you.

Worrying doesn’t do any good at all and a worry less life doesn’t mean challenge less life. I know some people like being brooders that victim feeling makes them feel that I’d earn some sympathy points from someone and with that they hope to clutch on that person and spend their lifes. In reality nobody likes victims , people can sympathize but then you’d always be an extra baggage for them no amount of love can pacify anyone if there is no self willingness to do it. Most importantly worrying about losses will never add to anything, what has gone has gone while pro-active thinking can not only do damage control but also adds to hope of restoring happiness in your life. Then you’d find that you’d never be dependant on anybody to bring that smile of peace on your face.

Adios.





















Monday, September 10, 2012

Thought Sharing 10'Sept12

Worry is a type of mental habit, which arises from the belief that it's good to worry. This belief gets acquired during our childhood. And then it keeps getting strengthened from our life experiences. We start from this belief. That attracts negative circumstances; as a result the belief gets strengthened further, because you think that with life full of so many negative circumstances, it's important to think of negative outcomes beforehand. You don't realize that these negative situations occurred in the first place largely due to this belief. When we are faced with a negative situation, again we worry because we hold that belief. Again it's the same result. In this way, we are caught in a vicious cycle.




How do we come out of this cycle?

By changing this belief to - 'it's not good to worry'. Once we do that, there is no guarantee that negative situations will completely stop arising in our life, because we have performed negative actions in the past (either in this birth or past births), but the extent of negative situations will be minimized. And even if they do come, they will bid goodbye sooner, if we have a worry-free consciousness.

Adios- Shreya

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Thought Sharing 5Sept'12

"You can be your best friend. Imagine that someone accompanies you in your life, values everything that you do and finds it to be great: what you do, what you say; you are the best; extraordinary; a shining being; a star. Now imagine that you have that person next to you day and night. How do you feel? On top form and you are fine.


This happens in relationships. When someone loves you very much, they practically only think about you; they ring you, they send you text messages, maybe they write you letters or emails. You feel unique, special and loved. But this does not last forever and, nowadays, it lasts less and less. The difficulty is that if you depend on the other to feel fine you'd sometimes do well and sometimes not.

This unconditional friend that loves you so much and that supports you is what you have inside. You can be your best friend. This gives you security and trust. If someone else likes you or doesn't like you and criticizes you, you won't collapse within because to be fine you do not depend on the look of the other."



[Not my words but echos my thoughts- Shreya] Happy Teacher's Day :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Why Mamta Banerjee is behaving the way she is behaving?

Mamta Banerjee has been the target of the critics now for good long time for her past incidents which openly flout the democratic character of our Nation. Media, opposition and people have openly come out against what seems to be her arrogant behaviour. Whether it be the park street rape case where she pressed it as malice played by the leftists or be it a simple question asked by a student at the Presidency college where she walked away in the middle of a TV interview claiming it being planned action against her, be it a cartoonist whose simpleton cartoon brought him to jail or be it a question asked by a lame farmer on whom she openly pressed charges of being a maoist and whose family is still crying for justice. In all of these cases one trait that was seen by all was her arrogancy , non compliance and dominant behaviour.




When a human being displays traits of non adjustment or non acceptance towards others. It becomes quiet easy for others to pin point blame on that person. We don’t even try to look at what is the reason for these traits. Mamta Banerjee is quiet a good example to explain this. Mamta Banerjee had been struggling for long in her state against lots of things , hurt and upset by many things, probably dreaming to change many many things, she had long pressed desires and expectations from her ownself for ages. Imagine her state of mind on the 1st day after being the CM , she must have thought to hit bull’s eye in a single day wishing some magical wand was in her hand. But after an year when she started realizing working on field is not that fast and her pressure and expection from Self started detoriting she had to forcibly pull her strings to keep her self respect alive which seemed like open arrogance to others.

I am not endorsing what she does , behaves or whatever she believes in, I am only trying to understand why she is being the way she is. Let’s take an example to understand it better… imagine a student who is trying to get into say IIT or IIM for like 3-4 years, putting all his hard work , keeping aside all his happiness , pushing all good for the sake of a dreamy future and then one fine day he gets into that college but later after an year he realizes I am not made for this study , he keeps failing no matter how hard he tries, his peer pressure increases they make fun of him, his parents blame him , his teachers rebuke him, he has slowed down. Imagine his state of mind. His image of his own self, his Self respect has shattered. For someone who is weak minded would go to the extend of committing suicide and one a liitle stronger would get aggressive to hide his weakness and failure. This has happened with Mamta ji I believe. I could be wrong in my assesment the real reason can also be something else. But when I put myself into shoes of someone who has been madly struggling for people for 25 years or more , I can only imagine the tremendous hurt and pain the person must have created on her own Self Respect.

The constanst fear of failure and embarrasement of making mistakes when she promised to bringing a new dawn for the state is immense thus defiance and blaming everything on other becomes easier than taking responsibility. When a person is strong from within not afraid of being critised or rejection then it becomes easier to accept mistakes and work towards changing it. But for this it is very important to become independent from external influences “chatukars” and “critics”. Family and friends play a crucial role with a person like this. I always believe If I love my loved ones my friends or family then I must face them with what I feel truth is. If I know something is not right with their attitude behaviour or anything that is being constantly criticised by others then it must be confronted by them , only that my love and acceptance towards them would help them to change it and make it easy to be worked upon. “Chatukar- buttering” and “Critical” attitude will only worsen the condition of the person. Anyways I only wish Mamta di gets an honest, strong and motivating friend who helps her to judge herself in the right context and gives her little more will power to face people and truth around her.

adios

Happy Independence Day to everyone :)

Monday, August 6, 2012

Liitle Appreciation please !!

Appreciation is the need of time today. We live in a world hungry for appreciation. Everytime you see a relationship you'd find that at least one of them is hungry for appreciation. To be thanked for, to be given importance in cash or kind, time or love, words or looks anyway or any form but appreciation is important it is like our trigger for happiness.



A wife expects appreciationfrom husband, a mother from her family, an employee from boss, children from parents, parents from society and society from the powerful. I guess that is why there is so much foul play in the name of God, because he's all powerful and those who claim being appreciated by im are never questioned by the society. And thus there is never ending pretence of "log kya kahenge" (what will people say/think.)

So what is this appreciation and why do we need it all the time. Most of us honestly memorise words without even knowing their real meaning in the behavioural world and then comes the world of misunderstanding my favourite eg for this is "love" one word serveral meanings. Anyways so appreciation is one such word , to me it is an acknowledgement of what you have done is right at some point or some situation. It is an acceptance recognised by time/people/society (whichever is more powerful). Ofcourse there are no hard written rules and this keeps changing.

Appreciation / Acknowledgement by others thrives on the fundemental rule of survival, the one who wants to survive without making things hard for oneself does what is accepted as NORMAL by others to get appreciated, thus making his life without resistance. It is like the law of electricity where current flows through path of least or no resistance. Fortunately in law of survival human beings are the only species which is capable of making exceptions and goes against the world dejected, rejected, alone yet coming out stronger and truer.

All of us are blessed with a sense of power inside us that we create in the journey of life which helps us face situations when people/society goes against us, we weep in dark but glow in day. This power is a result of our image we create with positive affirmations. Appreciation is like a pat on the back for us. A sense of positive energy and power offered externally to us that we lack from within. In my opinion every person has at least 1 out of 100 things that can be appreciated. We all make mistakes big or small a little appreciation from time to time then ofcourse an advice, suggestion or rectifing our mistake would be easier to understand than simply cynical criticism. That is why it gets even more essential for parents to make sure they keep appreciating their children then ofcourse you can sit back to rectify his mistake. Build the power inside then correcting mistakes gets easy.

No negative energy can create a positive environment. No criticism, insult or comparision can ever serve as motivation even though it appears to work for one thing it becomes harmful in the long run. On the other hand appreciation reminds us of that goodness inside the other and helps them to mould themselves over the time.

Adios :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Difference in Opinion

It is easier said than done especially when we know who is correct. I mean if I know I am correct and what is right then shouldn't things go my way ? Where am I wrong ? Why do people have to always oppose me?




Imagine waking up one fine day and finding that the whole world and every being looking, working, thinking, behaving exactly the way I do. How would my life be? Perfect or boring ? Many a times I have heard people say "it is natural to have fights", especially in context of marriages. "Fights are extension of love " and then "what is life without disagreements". But I sometimes sit back and wonder if people who say it have really understood the meaning behind these ? is Yes then why has it over the time become so difficult for us to manage a simple difference of opinion and today we have come up with terms like "road rage" or "frustration" or most common "stress", what is all this if not just a different perspective.

From what i have understood I would share with you. There are two parts of the above statements:

1. Disagreements or difference of opinion is natural.
Yes absolutely true, as many as number of people as many opinions because each one is actually working from their own capacity, understanding, knowledge and self definition of right and wrong. It means you and I might see the same thing in entirely different perspective depending on what we priortize in life. Thus we have attached labels or right and wrong on each other from our perspective.

2. When there is difference of opinion , discussion is natural or communication is natural.
Instead we thought arguments are natural. Imposing opinion is natural :). In relationships atleast i believe we can solve all problems with right perspetive and little communication , communication not just from mouth but from heart (feeling level). Getting over emotional and non stable during problem solving deters the main intention of communication which is to find a solution.

That is why in ancient India debates were considered extremely important during their schooling. "Dwand - vaad vivad pratiyogita" or debates created a healthy environment to discusss , analyse and accept one truth over another. This helped general people create opinions about right or wrong mutually, interestingly this was not the end of all every year same topics were re-debated to make sure new school of thoughts is well incorporated. Unfortunately over the time these schools have gone and the only public debates we see are on news channels who thanks to advertisements never reach a conclusive end.

Anyways my point is that in absence of understanding the above two aspects where disagreements and open minded communication was the key. We have over the time convinced ourselves of a single one way opinion which are old and quondam. Whereever new school of thoughts were not accepted a belief system was created "I am right and you are wrong always".

Infact from my understanding the problem is not being right (which you might be depending on situation ), the problem is in thinking that the other person is always wrong even before you begin to communicate anything. This creates a thought barrier and thus we have fights with no solution. We have all done it at some point of time or other in anything or everything, stating one is right other is wrong like black/white. That has over the time developed a sense of intolerance towards anything that is not white, it is like saying there are only two colors in this world "white or black" and if something is not white it has to be black. We all can see what has happened to our world when we are painting it only in these two colors.

All I am trying to say is that let us just make a small shift in our thinking , in a new way lets understand people are different from me and that is something to cherish not complain. And even if you know that something is not right focus your attention and energy on what you can do about the situation than cribbing about the person who spports that situation. Don't try and change people forcefully you'd only waste energy and they'll never change. Lead by patience and example they take some time to solve but the solve is permanent. :)

adios






Saturday, April 28, 2012

Attaching Labels

I remember this from not a very old ad of abhishek bachchan in Idea in which every man was identified with a number and no name. How true numbers have no labels no color , no caste , no creed etc. It so wonderfully depicted our set mentality of listening to someone's name and attaching various labels on it. Have you seen this movie " A Wednesday " where in the last scene Anupam Kher the commissioner refuses to divulge the name of  "the common man" played by Nassiruddin Shah, because he said people will create feelings, reasons, justify or criticise him based on his labels of name. And if he let him be just "the common man" then we'd all at one level find a string of attachment to him.

The idea ad and that scene from a wednesday all point to that one thing and yet we all try to inore and avoid its existence "Attachment to labels".  Here we are in the 21st century trying to create a world of equality yet our subtle mind has not given up on creating labels and opinions so fixed on people that they become hard to change forever. It is like that herd mentality one goes and others follow, and we do it all the time no matter ow much we deny.

A recent example of this came up when "Shahrukh khan" was held for repeatative interrogations for hour at US airport his label ?? "Khan" a muslim name ? how pityfull for a big Democracy like USA. No denial that the same thing happend with Mr. Abdul Kalam after he had just stepped down from presidentship he was madeto open his shoes , socks even after knowing he was India's x-president. No the point is not about getting angry on anyone who does what is their job , ask yourself are we untouched by this ?




Labels are opinions a brain detects  and generates series of feelings attached to it based on information feeded to it.  They are nasty they come quickly and they never go, they stick to you like forever. Until ofcourse you have the courage to change it over years through your action orthe person who has labeled you has changed his mindset. Think of anything under the sun with every word you get feelings, opinions & different vibrations attached to it. For eg. say red and brain immediately flashes a red color , a red apple, a red lipstick or a red car depending on if you are a child, a woman or a man. It is different for different people , which means the meaning of the label varies according to the perception and information that they have createdduring the course of their life.

Labels could be as simple as colours and could be as complex as opinions. Unfortunately we create labels every second about everything and anything. Good, bad, fat, think, lier, honest, rigid, simple, loving, hating, black, white, hindu, muslim, generous, miser, lazy, pretty, ugly and so many many more think of any adjective and that would be your opinion about someone, something, somenation, some gender etc. Meant to harmonise differences , over the time they have only created differences. Label does not distinguish  anything and it does not spare anybody. No wonder thoughts like "first impression is the last one" have gained so much importance.

The probel is not with labels , they were created to group the alikes together but unfortunately today we only see differences. Honestly over the time we have become resistive to change, not only have we become stagnant but we create negative energy for anyone who wants to break that shackle of his label. You and I label people and things from the time we meet them 1st and once done the brain rejects to re-think or reconsider those labels when we meet them next. We carry forward labels of past meeting into the future and unfortunately brain negates to re-label even we have the choice to see things under a different light. In response the other person also sends back similar resistance (if the label was negative) or acceptance (if the label was positive) and that paves path of your DESTINY with that person. So ultimately our in-flexibility of labels created destiny related to the labeled object and then we blame stars. :-)

Lets say a parent has labeled a child as "lazy" after some incident or incidents. Later no matter how much the child does what even at the slightest of rest (which might come after hardwork) the parent will immediately reiterate the child as "lazy" untill the child is stable and positive to work on himself or the parent is mature enough. However these single everyday labels will create the destiny of the child and parent relationship either of conflict , negative energy and dis respect or love and harmony. It is thus destiny created by us.

Labels are easy to change if you can overcome the feelings of past experiences and give your memory a refresh like computer screen does. Every soul deserves a chance to change, even if you do not wish to continue with someone change the label with forgiveness and move away. In the long run it beneficiary for you only. Look out for change don't be so resistive, everyone changes over time like the time itself. All we need is a little knowledge and little love to let that happen. And then DESTINY is yours.


adios

Friday, April 20, 2012

Strength / Power is

Strength/power is :


1. When you love someone without the fear of losing them.

2. When a man can appreciate his wife’s achievements without the fear of losing his masculinity.

3. When you stop judging people based on their work.

4. When looks are not a deciding factor for you.

5. When your silence speaks more than a 1000 words.

6. When you are not afraid of losing.

7. When your friendship with light does not haunt you in dark.


 
 
 
8. When you don’t forget your values for money.


9. When bending down in front of elders does not make you from an older generation.

10. When learning from a child does not make you feel like a dwarf.

11. When smile and peace is your answer to the corniest and carpiest remark.

12. When love stays inside your heart more than anger.

13. When faith and hope are the foundations of your decisions.

14. When white hair adds experience to your personality.

15. When the scariest thing that can happen to you is losing tune with inner self..

Strength is Capacity to resist force or pressure, and the definition will have varied meanings depending  on your opinion about force or pressure.

adios :)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Respect and Fear






Quiet often we have heard people say that respect is to be earned and not demanded and definitely not commanded. But still in our everyday life we either demand or command respect. Repect of a parent from a child , boss from and employee, senior from junior , husband from wifand in almost every relationship we yearn for respect.

Respect in general is the attitude of high esteem or admiration of someone. It could also be about self or someone else. Funny it is but a simple definition like this would explain you that fear should ideally have no relationship with respect. Yet in our everyday lives we fear only then we respect. Interestingly both the victim and the oppressor are unaware of the fear and understand fear as a mark of respect.

Let’s face it in almost all our homes we are expected to respect our teacher out of fear , infact I remember when Principals in school are in rounds they are teachers “What kind of a teacher are you, the children just don’t fear you.?” . Wow I wonder when the schooling system would chage to remember that teacher student relationship is not about fear but one born out of respect. Nevetheless it is not the fault of school or parents or children , as the society in general has begun to believe in this system.

When a person creates fear in another, it is usually to show that I can control and disturb a certain part of your life and since we are all in a dependent on each other in our materialistic world it becomes very easy to harm and give loss to someone who he thinks as victim. But eventually if you look at the mindset of the person who demands respect and creates fear it the one who is actually a victim. A clear victim of lack of self respect and self confidence. It is this lack of faith in self that creates a sense of vaccum inside which eventually gets filled up when fear inside someone else reassures him that “I am worth getting respect”, it means that over the time every gain he creates at the materialistic world becomes his ornament like his money, house , car , gadgets , education, physical power etc because it is through these that he get reassured from others of being powerful. A truly confident person will never create fear, silence and peace are his strengths.
The bestest of relationship of a parent and child is also not free from it. A parent creates the fear of punishment in a child’s mind to push the child to do some work. Over the time as the child grows up and masters the art of creating fear and he forces his wishes on others even on his parents. Then the parents say the children don’t respect them. Amazing but when Respect is born out of Fear, how can it sustain when the sense of Fear is gone ??? Once the fear is gone the respect also evaporates.

Now the question is Do I want to get respected this way ?? What are my other options?
First : remember newton’s 3rd law “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. “ What you would give would come back in equal amounts. Learn to respect and value the person you expect respect from. No not just in actions but in your mind learn to respect the fact that every person is entitled to his/her opinion even if the other opinion is wrong according to you , the person is right from his opinions his experience.
Second : Try and practise your thoughts , when you respect a person or child from within your actions should also be the same. The more the environment of understanding is created the better the thoughts are conveyed.

Third : Patience Patience and talk talk … nothing will happen in a day. Always know if you are not able to convey your thoughts and opinions and if you force it on other , the other person will always hold it in mind that the decision or action is because of you and even the slightest of error will trigger him to blame you. So arm yourself up with every reason for your opinion and keep talking till you can convince the other.

Fourth : Do not go into hurt and sadness if the other person is not convinced. Because even if the other person is not covinced and continues to work his own way, the other person will always respect the fact that you did not push your opinion on him and thus eventually at slightest of pain he will remember your advice thus inducing respect from within and not from fear.


Every person in this world will do what they want to , you cannot protect them from pain always. If respect is practised from both sides then eventually you would never have kids hiding their mistakes from you, you wouldn’t have an employee bitching against his boss. Eventually What you give is what you get is true not only for today , tomorrow or day after but forever. Let’s be equals in true sense.

Adios :)

Interesting posts to see

Related Posts with Thumbnails